There’s a funny thing about living a creative life - it can feel a bit self-indulgent.
When everything is going to shit around you, creating space for yourself and these weird yet beautiful creative ideas you have can feel, well, a little bit silly?
self-indulgent
[ self-in-duhl-juhnt, self- ]
adjective
indulging one's own desires, passions, whims, etc., especially without restraint.
TBH it seems like self-indulgence is just another way of saying a fucking good time.
The last few years have been hard for me, on a very personal level (never mind a global one). Discovering and coming to terms with the challenges of having a child with complex health issues and a life-threatening chronic illness, is, I think! always going to fuck you up a bit.
After a lot of pain, almost a year of firefighting and not being able to see the wood for the trees, I slowly came out of the acute - WTF! - phase, and worked hard to find some clarity. In that way that large, life-altering things have a habit of doing, it gave me a map. It told me I needed more balance in this new normal. That meant temporarily putting down the odd thing I loved, saying more permanent goodbyes to things that were no longer supportive or fulfilling, and letting other things take care of themselves. Over that time I moved from not just Mothering, but Caring in a way that my life hadn’t ever had to support before. Things had to evolve. It’s, always, a work in progress.
During it all though, a non negotiable red line was clear - making art was vital.
It wasn’t a surprise. I’ve intentionally made space for myself and my ‘desires, passions, whims, etc…without restraint’ for a long time. But when you’re in the midst of things that feel big, scary and overwhelming, you can be fooled into thinking that getting out your art supplies is unimportant. I had moments of feeling genuinely conflicted and more than a little pained by making that time for myself to create.
Wasn’t there more pressing shit to be getting on with?
During those most difficult times, I had to get really quiet and listen to my body and instincts. They almost always directed me towards making.
Alongside my paid work of photographer, I wrote my morning pages, created images with and for women I admired, sat at my kitchen table and made collage after collage, took walks alone with my camera, took a writing class, bought pastels and drew terrible drawings.
It made me a better version of all of my selves.
‘We never regret an act of creation, a step towards ourselves, do we?’
With each creative act I was both grounded and lighter. And yes, closer to myself.
I regret nothing!
I was also reminded during that time that creative community keeps us going. I was exhausted in very specific ways, but this energy that came from others fed me. I was deeply grateful for every invitation to create out in the world in collaboration, even though I stumbled over saying yes almost every. single. time. Stepping outside the safe bubble of home felt risky. Spoiler - it still does! But I gently pushed myself to say yes, despite small things like circumstances or mental state lol - I figure we can always sort the details later.
I couldn’t always create the opportunities, but I could say yes when others did. Saying yes to creativity is vital. Saying yes to a creative community can be a lifeline.
One such invitation was from Bec with an idea to host an evening of creative communion. An Artful Conversation was born.
On 28th May in London, Bec Griffith, Emma Collins and I will be hosting a night of intimate, artful conversation. IRL! If you’ve read this letter or followed me on Instagram, joined me online for discussions around creating from joy or living creatively - then you know what to expect! More of that, but in person!
This will be time for you, us, to talk all things art and creative living. We’re making what we most need to find - a creative lifeline! This is a chance to hang out with others who have that deeply held need to live a creative existence. We’ll discuss:
creating and prioritising an art practice in a world that constantly demands our attention away from art
learning to live with imposter syndrome
what defines artistic success (hint: there is no single answer)
why being ‘selfish’ is an act of service
This is an opportunity to get art wanky together, cackle at the absurdities of being human and be deep in our feelings about these artful lives of ours. Both the realities of them and how we get to the bits we still want to create.
I hope your instinct to this invite is big, creative YES. Because this is for you.
Got questions? Drop them below or reply to this email. You can even slide in to my DM’s.
Some inspirational vibes for our Artful Conversation:
How I wish I could make it to London!