I’ve been thinking about the connection between the words know and now.
Thinking about being in a state of knowing some things and not knowing others and that state being called now.
Now you know.
NOW, you KNOW.
You can only know, now.
And now. And now. And now.
I made a list of what I always know : I am deeply loved. I love others deeply. There is so much beauty it feels like a miracle. Life and death are inescapable.
Trying always to surrender to the things I don’t know.
For a while, I wanted to call this place limbo. I googled it. I’m not religious but there was something about the idea of a border, a border between knowing and not knowing. A threshold, perhaps. An imagined place that felt both desolate and comforting.
But it’s just an imagined before and after that cannot exist because there is only now.
I dreamt I spoke with myself, with my own knowing.
Everything is going to be ok, she/I said.
I know, I/she replied.
It felt like warmth.
I know. I know. I know.
now. And now, too.
If I could tell you what it all meant, there would be no point in making it.
Instead, an invitation. To share my now.