Tits up or wonderful?

on creative risk, magic and an invitation to both.

I’ve been thinking about creative risk.

I read this definition of risk and I like it -

experimenting with and stretching your normal patterns of behaviour.

That also feels very close to creativity, non? Or the best kind of creativity at least - when you know you’re doing something a bit off your beaten path, in the realm of play and adventure. It could go tits up or be wonderful, maybe a bit of both. Being in the process of that kind of art making and detaching from outcome is one of my favourite places to be. It’s like walking a tightrope!

Trying something that is just as guaranteed to fail as it is to succeed - I genuinely love that place, even when it scares me shitless.

In those places, magic can happen.

It’s probably why I made the move to shooting as much of my work on film as possible. There’s pure magic to be found in film, something so tender I can feel it in my body. It sounds like bullshit, I know! But honestly - the alchemy of film photography cannot be replicated.

Nor the heartbreak.

A crappy digital photo fail is a crappy digital photo fail . I won’t cry about it. I’ll barely flinch if I’m honest, just delete and move on. A film malfunction though? I WILL GRIEVE.

In the past few months alone I’ve lost literally rolls of personal memories and had my very favourite camera fail mid client shoot. Both gave me sleepless nights and a genuine sadness in my chest at the images lost. I couldn’t shift it for a while. I had to sit in the pain of the creative risks I choose, just as I sit with the pleasure when everything works out artfully.

And now? Here we go again.

I’m heading to the US this October. And a lot of creative risk is happening.

I had a feeling this trip would appear, it was in the ether. A few months ago I floated the idea to my husband out of the blue as soon as it entered my head - like, could I just up and leave you guys and head to the US this autumn? My husband is literally the best (I’m sorry, don’t hate me) and no questions asks said yeah, sure, do it! I had no plans. Literally nothing. I thought I might hang out with my friend Richelle, make some weird art and chat shit for a few days. I started to dream about the other friends I could visit and what art we might make.

Then life snapped me back to reality.

Being a responsible adult can be the worst. We’ve had a tough few years and the last few months have been particularly hard on the home front. Managing my sons medical needs on top of regular life has been an almost full time job (on top of like, my actual job and life lol). Thoughts of running away for a bit were equal parts inevitable and unimaginable.

Then Bec messaged me. Random, she said, but could I possibly make it to the States in October? Could we take the Artful Conversation on the road? I started to think about how leaving my little family unit to be quite so far away would feel. How many extra jobs I would need to find to fund it. My friends and family hollered at me that I had to go, that I needed it (and even offered to fill childcare gaps *insert teary emoji*)

When the universe calls, I do my best to answer.

After months of dreaming and planning and thinking about our artist community together, we’ve built something we need. The Artful Retreat is born. Make what you most need to find! as the saying goes.

We have a hunch you need it too.

a film soup ‘failure’ but try telling me it’s not art

And the reality is, this is a creative risk. It’s energy and time and money. We’re both going to leave our families in our respective countries to try and create a space for artists that is beautiful and restorative, and also encourages stretching of selves and practice. We want to provide time to chill the fuck out and also be art wanky in ways that are deeply satisfying. We want to take the risk of cackling in a hot tub with strangers and friends as the sun sets, where we get to feel like art itself.

The reality is this is also a creative risk for anyone (you?!) who joins us. It’s energy and time and money. Chances are you’re going to leave your family for a few nights and see if you can restore something in you and also stretch a little at the same time. Can you chill the fuck out and lean in to your art wanky self in the best way? Take a risk on meeting new artists and maybe make old friends and let this random British woman hug you as she cackles in a hot tub and you all feel like art itself?

The magic of being alive and taking the gamble!

We’ve spent so many hours these past few weeks dreaming about what this could be. There have been sleepless nights and zoom calls and spreadsheets. We’ve put our little artist hearts into it because we don’t know any other way, honestly. Sometimes the universe calls and there’s no choice but to answer.

And as I said up there - this could all go tits up or be wonderful, maybe both. I’ve rollercoastered through feeling like ofc people will come on this creative journey with us! I’ve also imagined sitting in the pain of no-one showing up. We’re in the murky part of the risk right now, waiting to see what happens.

me in a dive bar in Michigan at 19. That pink top? doing gods work.

This week I realised my last trip to the States was 20 years ago, almost to the month I revisit. I was 19, a baby! and it was the first time I’d left the country alone. The details leading up to it weren’t so different to now. The universe called me then, too. I had a hankering for something…different. I needed to exist outside my normal patterns of behaviour. That time I stayed for four months and in so many ways that trip formed a core part of who I am now. I’ll be 39 when I return and coming again on my own feels like a really wonderful gift to myself, serendipitous! There’s a little bit of magic happening for sure. I have this feeling it could be just as formative, and isn’t that something? That all this time later I can still make the chance to create and grow and experiment.

Creative risk ftw.

So. An invitation to read all about the Artful Retreat and take your own creative risk alongside us. I can’t quite put in to words how excited we are at the prospect of this. We've hired the most beautiful farmhouse in the Catskills, NY, there will be delicious food provided and all the art wanky joy we can summon. Everything you need to know is here. And for friends of the newsletter - a discount slash we love you code! XJIM8WN gets you $100 off. Questions? Ask away!

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO KNOW - I plan to be on the East Coast from 14th Oct. My wildest dreams include but are not limited to: creating some beautiful images with and for people, meeting internet friends I’ve had the pleasure of talking to for all these years but never met irl, hugging old friends in foreign to me cities whilst eating, generally getting a good ol’ American experience. If you are interested in doing any of this with me, email me! Now! It’s the universe calling don’t you dare send to voicemail!

Lx